I need to go ogle
I didn’t need to prioritize things.
But that was when I was not in search. I would not just go ogle – because there wasn’t much to go ogle at. I knew a few people and a few things and had even fewer resources. My world was small. I spent time with the people I knew and got to experience them, know them and love them. I devoted myself to the few things that I slowly and steadily grew to love. Love!
I didn’t need to decide to love things and people. I didn’t call it love. It just was. They just were. Things and people just grew on me, and into me; I grew on them, into them and fused with them. Fusion.
Now, I go ogle. I search. In vain. I know not what I search for. I search because I can.
There are many people. There are many things. Maybe too many. I go ogle. The touch is wisp-like, impalpable. Did I touch you or not? Please forgive me, for I don’t have the time to check. Time! I don’t remember speaking much about time, let alone using it as an excuse. It is a strange feeling now – the tyranny of time weighs on me. Constantly.
“What ever happened to our love? I wish I understood”. I’m sounding like the Swedish band, Abba, from the 70’s, wistful, lost and confused. I didn’t particularly like the song, but it was one of those things that grew into me because it and I were pushed into the same space in the littler world we inhabited.
Now there are too many things. Too many people. I search. Dazed and confused. Confusion; it’s not fusion, anymore.
But I digress. I need to go ogle. ‘Tis a tangled web that we have woven. I need to search; I need to untangle. I need to find love, to find the time that I seem to have lost. I need to prioritize. The Web beckons like a beacon that promises a destination. I need to go ogle. To find the life that I have lost.
Later.
– Balaji Prasad, April 2012