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I need to go ogle

April 7, 2012

I didn’t need to prioritize things.

But that was when I was not in search.  I would not just go ogle – because there wasn’t much to go ogle at.  I knew a few people and a few things and had even fewer resources.  My world was small.  I spent time with the people I knew and got to experience them, know them and love them.  I devoted myself to the few things that I slowly and steadily grew to love.  Love!

I didn’t need to decide to love things and people.  I didn’t call it love.  It just was. They just were. Things and people just grew on me, and into me; I grew on them, into them and fused with them.  Fusion.

Now, I go ogle.  I search.  In vain.  I know not what I search for.  I search because I can.

There are many people.  There are many things.  Maybe too many.  I go ogle.  The touch is wisp-like, impalpable.  Did I touch you or not? Please forgive me, for I don’t have the time to check.  Time!  I don’t remember speaking much about time, let alone using it as an excuse.  It is a strange feeling now – the tyranny of time weighs on me.  Constantly.

“What ever happened to our love?  I wish I understood”. I’m sounding like the Swedish band, Abba, from the 70’s, wistful, lost and confused. I didn’t particularly like the song, but it was one of those things that grew into me because it and I were pushed into the same space in the littler world we inhabited.

Now there are too many things.  Too many people.  I search.  Dazed and confused.  Confusion; it’s not fusion, anymore.

But I digress. I need to go ogle.  ‘Tis a tangled web that we have woven. I need to search; I need to untangle.  I need to find love, to find the time that I seem to have lost.  I need to prioritize.  The Web beckons like a beacon that promises a destination.  I need to go ogle.  To find the life that I have lost.

Later.

– Balaji Prasad, April 2012

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